Ruis (wombbat) wrote,

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Dust Bowl Days

$$$$ - there is none. Beth is unemployed. It's as bad as it ever has been. Our bank actually confiscated a separate account that was only in my name, when our joint checking account began bouncing d/t lack of funds. I didn't think they could do that. So, there went our "emergency fund," pitiable though it was. And Beth's unemployment insurance has not come through. The state must "investigate" and make sure we do not intend to defraud. So we are trying to live on my tiny secretarial salary from UM. [But the benefits are great. Should I suddenly become disabled, we'll be all set.]

How I am coping, why do I continue to call this situation to myself? I try to comfort myself to say, at least we have no debt, apart from our house payment and car payment. However, they have not been paid for this month. Everything else (nearly) that we owe is paid, sort of. By which I mean deals have begun to be struck, partial payments made, letters of apology sent, grovelling commenced, budgets adjusted, services cancelled, renewals filed, needs put off. I cried today on the phone speaking to my food co-op, as I apologized for bouncing a check to them.

Shame is what arises. Shame at our situation. Shame that others know. Shame that our choices have been poor. Life choices -- to sing, to plant, to quilt, to agitate, to build community, to give, to work for social justice. Just not very remunerative choices. The things I love ....don't pay.

Astrologically, apparently, everything is about to change for the better when Jupiter, the planet that rules my sign (Saggitarius) moves into Virgo.

We are swimming in veggies: green beans, tomatoes, squash, peppers, eggplant, broccoli, many herbs. And thank goodness! I also have a veritable forest of potato foliage. Never having grown them before, I am not sure how to proceed. Must look up how to

I lost the boneset, sad to say. Puppies trampled it, in one of their last forays into the now-fenced herb bed. This winter I will have to rely on sage, hyssop and goldenrod teas for my colds.

On the other hand, the sweet grass is lush and revived, having been moved out of the puppy traffic zone. I begin to wonder when I should harvest it.

Divorces -- two families I love deeply, just within the past couple weeks, have announced that they are divorcing. I am sad.
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